


talk with me

by makewavesandwar



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Asexual Character, Canon Asexual Character, Coming Out, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fitzroy needs a hug but he doesn't want one yet, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kinda?, Memories, My anxiety is my beta, canon compliant through Ep. 19 Creative Writing, it is not explicitly described but it is there so take caution, mostly Rainer is a Kind and Good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:21:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28941378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makewavesandwar/pseuds/makewavesandwar
Summary: After the visit from Chaos, Fitzroy's nightly half-trance has become, more often than not, interrupted by dreams. Who should he turn to when one such dream drags up tough memories?
Relationships: Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt & Male OC, Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt & Rainer
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	talk with me

**Author's Note:**

> please note that there is a reference to a past non-con situation, which the character is remembering as a dream. the dream ends before we see anything get too far, but please take care of yourself!! you can bypass that section by skipping from the paragraph which begins "He was cut off mid-sentence" and resuming with the paragraph which begins "Snippers, did you--"
> 
> I used my own experiences as an asexual person to guide this fic, but I obviously do not speak for the whole community! the title is from the song "D&D + Asexuality" by Skull Puppies, mostly because I think everyone should listen to it lol.

Ever since the first night that each of the Thundermen dreamt of Chaos, Fitzroy’s semi-lucid nightly trance had been studded with atypical dreams. True, most of the evening was still spent hallucinating an extra layer over the objects in his quarters, but at some point without fail the scene would shift into – as he understood it – the sort of dream more commonly experienced by full humans.

Some took the shape of memories, flickers of things from his childhood or from his days at Clyde Nite’s Night Knight School. Others felt more fanciful, impossible situations or scenarios, though none quite as fully realized as the vision of being the Thunder King. While these at first unsettled Fitzroy, he soon began to almost look forward to the nightly occurrences, finding they brought him, if not enjoyment, at least usually entertainment.

Tonight’s, unfortunately, was neither.

The dream began as a memory of a particular afternoon at Clyde Nite’s, some months before the catfish incident. Despite being swiftly classified as an outcast by most of the student body, he had found a friend (for a time) in another young man of poorer circumstances named Isaac. Isaac, a full human training as a paladin, did not share Fitzroy’s interests in crepes or fine fabrics, but after sticking up for each other a handful of times they fell in together easily. In the memory, the two were seated under a large weeping willow on the campus’ grounds, Fitzroy reading and Isaac idly whittling a piece of wood down to slivers. The breeze was warm and the tree’s shade was cool, and the barbarian smiled to himself as he thought of that real afternoon they had shared in companionable silence.

After a beat longer, Isaac set his tools aside and turned to face Fitzroy, and the scene shifted – the two were no longer outdoors under the willow, but rather inside their dormitory, sitting side-by-side on a couch in the common area. Isaac was not a bashful man, but there was some hesitation in his eyes as he met his gaze and said, “Fitz, there’s something I wanted to ask you.”

In the dream, Fitzroy nodded, but the piece of himself watching the situation flinched as he swiftly realized what the dream was becoming. _Oh no. No no no no no._

“Of course, dear Isaac, what’s on your mind?”

Isaac fidgeted. “We’ve been getting along alright, spending a lot of time together, and uh, I guess I wondered—hell, Fitz, do you like men? Like, are you attracted to men?”

Fitzroy blinked once, then twice. “Um, well. I hadn’t really thought that much about it, to be honest.” He paused, marked his place in his book and then tapped his lip with its corner thoughtfully. “I suppose I like men as much as I like anyone else?”

“And, um, what about me? Are you attracted to me?”

“Oh, ah. Well. In a sense, yes. But Isaac—”

He was cut off mid-sentence by Isaac crashing into him with a kiss, all tongue and teeth and hands, catching him so off guard that he could do nothing but freeze. As soon as he remembered himself, however, he pushed his friend back, _hard._

“Now hold on, slow down, there _really_ are some things we need to discuss before… _any_ of this.”

The other man huffed at him, rolling his eyes. “Oh _come on_ Fitz, we’ve been circling each other for _weeks_ now. All you ever want to do is talk!” He scooted closer, a hand landing on Fitzroy’s knee. “I just think we don’t _need_ to talk to have a good thing, eh?” The hand dragged higher, high enough that both dream-Fitzroy and barely-lucid-real-Fitzroy gulped. “Why don’t we find out, hmm?”

He could feel the weight of the unsaid words in his throat as clearly as he had in the moment, with Isaac’s face buried in the crook of his neck and his hand sliding ever-higher on his thigh. It had felt like he was suffocating, all the while one side of his brain screaming _Tell him to stop! You’re strong enough to push him away again!_ while another, sinister faction in his hindbrain whispered _Maybe you could finally be normal, maybe it’s not so bad, maybe this is as good as it will ever get_. All he could manage was a strangled sound, low and guttural, which Isaac had unfortunately taken as encouragement.

The pressure in his throat spread into his chest, a tightness he didn’t remember from the day this really happened. Just as Isaac’s hand fumbled at the top button of dream-Fitzroy’s doublet, the pressure became too much to bear and he jolted awake with a gasp. Snippers, who had apparently been sitting on his forehead, clambered onto Fitzroy’s chest and clicked his claws together softly.

“Snippers, did you—did you seriously wake me up by _holding my nose_?” He said blearily, rubbing his eyes. The crab’s facial expression could only be described as _smug_ , and he gurgled at Fitzroy in affirmative.

“Huh.” The barbarian took a moment to collect himself, grasping at the feeling of the cool breeze from his half-open window and the light pressure of Snippers’ many feet as grounding sensations. It was still very dark out, the sliver of waxing moon not yet enough to provide light, but he found he had no interest in continuing his trance, nor of staying in the room at all. He rose quietly and dressed quickly, leaving a short note on his pillow in case his friends came to look for him before he returned, then set out into the night with very little idea of where he was headed.

The night, all things considered, was mild, only the barest hint of a chill in the air. Fitzroy strode across the dark grass with a purposefulness he did not feel, absently running his fingers over the spectral ridges of Snippers’ carapace where he held the crab in his arms. Inevitably, his feet brought him towards the largest tree on the campus grounds, where he frequently sat and spoke with his friends. To his surprise, he could see an unmistakable figure already sitting at the base of the trunk, and his heart immediately lightened as he continued toward her.

“Rainer, is that you?”

The young woman jumped a little at his voice, but when her face came into view beneath a conjured ball of soft yellow light she was smiling. “Fitzroy, what are you doing up so late? Or, early?”

“I could ask you the same thing, you know.” He smiled tightly as he dropped to the ground beside her chair.

She shrugged and gestured to the lawn in front of her, where he could now see a menagerie of skeletal raccoons and opossums romping around. “They’re nocturnal, you know? Sometimes if I can’t sleep I bring them out so they can remember the night.”

“That is…both unsettling and endearing, Rainer. A—are you having trouble sleeping tonight? Are you alright?”

She shrugged again, her smile losing a bit of its warmth. “Just a little flare-up, nothing too major. I have a potion that takes the edge off. Right now I’m just uncomfortable, enough that I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Hence—” She gestured again to the undead animals, then turned back to him. “I _did_ notice that you avoided my question, you know. What are you doing up, Fitzroy?”

He crossed his legs a little tighter, frowning. “Would you believe a bad dream? Actually, I guess it doesn’t matter if you believe that or not, that’s the truth. I had a bad dream and I needed to—to not be in bed anymore, I suppose.”

Rainer hummed thoughtfully. “Is it a bad dream you’d like to talk about?”

“I—I don’t know. I’ve never really done that before.”

“Well, I’m happy to listen if you’d like to take a crack at it.” She said, reaching over and patting him gently on the shoulder. “But we could also just sit here in silence for a bit. Or I could tell you a story, if a distraction would be better.”

Fitzroy looked down at Snippers, considering. “Ah, sure, I’ll give it a go. It was…a memory, sort of—actually, it was two memories that had been smashed together, one happy and one less so, the happy one first to lull me into a false sense of security. But then the unhappy bit started, and what happened…” he trailed off, fighting down a shudder, then started again. “I had a friend, at Clyde Nite’s Night Knight School, who after a time told me that he had feelings for me. I tried to, I don’t know, establish boundaries? But he kept pushing, and I…didn’t quite know how to say no. And he, um…”

Rainer’s hand was back on his shoulder, rubbing small, soothing circles. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Fitzroy. I’m glad that I could be here for you, and that you trusted me with your story.”

“Of course I trust you, Rainer.” He whispered, feeling a tear slide down his cheek. “Thank you for listening.”

They sat in silence for a while, watching the skeletal animals chase each other around the lawn before them. Rainer’s hand, which had continued to rub circles into his shoulder, found its way under the curls at the base of his neck and continued her ministrations on the tense muscles there. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had cared enough to soothe him like this – probably his mother, many, _many_ years before – and he felt nearly boneless under her fingers. His heart was welling up in his chest, and he felt like he ought to keep sharing.

“I did like him back, you know.” His voice was quieter than he intended, and he cleared his throat and continued. “My friend from Clyde Nite’s, I mean. But he always gave the impression that he was very interested in the, ah, _physical_ aspects of courtship, and that has never been something that has held much interest for me. Not with men, not with women, not with anyone, really.”

Rainer’s hand stilled, and he briskly continued, “Now, I know that’s hard to believe, what with how dashingly handsome and sexy I am, but, ah. It’s the truth. And it doesn’t always feel straightforward, and it sometimes makes my life harder, but that’s just…how I am.”

“Fitzroy, you don’t have to defend yourself to me. I—I actually feel pretty much the same way.”

His eyes snapped to hers. “What?! Really?!”

Rainer giggled a little at the mystified look on Fitzroy’s face. “Yes, really! You didn’t think you were the only one in Nua, did you?” He shrugged sheepishly, and she gave him an affectionate eye-roll as she continued. “I get what you mean about it not feeling straightforward – sometimes, in the abstract, physical intimacy seems like something I’m curious about, but most of the time it _very_ much does not. I just kinda roll with it, you know? But don’t even get me _started_ on trying to find romance novels that don’t end in gratuitous descriptions of sex, it’s _ridiculous_.”

A small, quiet smile was growing on Fitzroy’s face, one that Rainer could not help but mirror. “What?”

“I just—” he broke himself off with a laugh. “I started this night in a terrible place because of my dream, and now I’m feeling lighter than I have in years – it almost feels like whiplash? I—I really thought that I was alone. Demon war be d-damned, I’m just really _happy_.”

She couldn’t help but laugh too, grinning down at the half-elf as he fumbled over his swear. “Well then, I’m extra glad that I was out here this morning. Speaking of—” She wiggled her fingers, and the skeletons around the lawn converged on her chair and returned themselves to their drawers. “—I probably should rest at least a little before classes. Want to head back with me?”

Fitzroy nodded as he leapt to his feet, leaning into a perfunctory bow. “Of course, Lady Rainer, I would be honored to accompany you.”

She laughed again, bright in the pre-dawn darkness, and they returned to the dorms in companionable silence. Before Rainer could disappear into her room, Fitzroy cleared his throat.

“Would you mind not mentioning this to Argo and the Firbolg? I’d like to tell them myself, when I feel ready.”

“Of course, Fitz, I wouldn’t dream of it. And I’m always here if you want to talk more about it.”

Between her soft smile and the earnestness behind her words, his heart felt full-to-bursting. “I’d love that, Rainer.”

**Author's Note:**

> I got so excited when Griffin confirmed Fitzroy as ace, but then I thought to myself, "why have just ONE asexual character when you could have TWO?!" so uh. that's that on that I guess.
> 
> come bug me on tumblr at makewavesandwar if ya like, thanks for reading and let me know what you thought!


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